Tea Time at Press Cart

After college, again I am back in school

2008-08-20T03:00:00.000-07:00

I have a plan to tell her, "Ma'am, I don't want to go back to school. Now I am a college bunking university-graduate student,” but so far couldn’t muster the needed courage. Let me correct myself, I am not a student, but I was just two months ago; and now, I am an employee at the Deccan Herald.

When I was a child I always hated school, like most of the children of my age and type. I always wanted holidays: like everyone else. I used to wander sometimes whole day instead of going to school. And for that- never mind- when I was caught by my teachers or my parents I was sure to get good beatings. But I didn’t care; not going to school even at that cost was also a reasonable affair for me.

Actually at school I didn't hate the study but my teachers who would give me good beatings for forgetting the unfinished homework to bring and most of the time for finishing homework in school itself, when I was caught. And sometimes I was betrayed by my good friends who didn’t like me not studying at home by finishing my homework at school, and for that they complained to the teachers on prowl with sticks in hand. Honestly, I never liked studying at home. I believed that home was where Tom and Jerry fought, in front of the television.

It was the happiest day of my life when I finished school for ever. I liked my college, especially the library, the professors, the Hireganges and the librarian. I made it my hobby to go and scan through the titles of the books and sometimes I indulged myself in going through the acknowledgements of the books. I did bunk college but was cautious not to have attendance shortage, I maintained a 75 per cent attendance. Believe me when I bunked college, I did just for sleeping. If I was not present in the college, I could all the time be found in my room. Nevertheless, I enjoyed my college, company of some good teachers and some not so good teachers, some friends and some of them who I was indifferent to. In that time I forget about the school and the fear of going to school. But, my happiness, to my shock as I did not know that it will be so short lived and come to haunt me again.

Once a very old professor told me, “You might go to Nepal but you can't leave your fate in India.” And to my surprise, I left my schools in Bihar some 3500 miles behind, some 15 years ago. But no use, today when I come to do my copy-editing work at the General Desk in Deccan Herald, I feel the same fear I had when going to school. Let the clock bang for 9 pm and I am called by no other than Gaayaathrinivas: "Jeetu come to School Desk", and it's commanded by my Boss Raman Sir, "Jeetu, back to school." This is how I fell working at present.

Nightmares turned memoirs

2008-05-03T22:37:00.000-07:00

Its been 5 long years in Manipal, and every single day has been a process of learning and change. The experiences i have countered in theese 5 years has changed me as an individual, and the people who have been with me for the 5 years would agree to that. I ve had my share of everything here..and am penning down my experience at our very beloved KMC in the first 3 years (during the UG). If laziness and time permits, ill write the second part of this sometime soon...if it really comes :)

Second year in the college and the first visit to the hospital! Truly remarkable' said the Lady in White behind the counter, when I went to get my file at the city hospital. That was it, and that year saw me jinxed and making frequent visits to the hospital.

Well, it was the year 2005 and it began in January when I was attacked by a chronic infection. After getting myself registered at the counter, the lady in white directed me to the respective floor and wait till the file arrived. I waited for my file (im)patiently; it was then that I discovered that I was a patient with lots of patience. I sat and looked at the names of the doctors and the numerous letters that followed the names like obedient children separated by a dot that supposedly were their 'n' number of degrees. To me they were only a set of degree accomplishments and super-specializations the full forms and details of which I did not know, and wondered what it could be.

The doctor to whom I was directed to turned out to be rather a unique one. My previous experiences with doctors were that they talk a lot and ask too many questions. This one turned out to be quite different. I felt as if I were the doctor and he the patient. I did the talking and the questioning while he just gave me the prescription. No …please don’t get me wrong, I’ll explain what exactly happened. I told him what brought me to the hospital, while he was busy writing something in the file, and then directly gave me the prescription. So finally it was me who asked ‘why, what, when and how’ of the problem.

A few months later, a sharp pain attacked me in my feet, and upon consultation by the doctor, I was said that it was a corn that had been infected. I was told that had to be removed by operating upon it. To a layperson, operation/surgery is the same. I shocked my friends when I very coolly said that I had a surgery the next day. They then corrected my medical vocabulary by saying that it was a ‘minor procedure’ and not a surgery. I was treated like a princess for the days to follow, where people even offered to wash my clothes.

Come October and I am a guest at KMC (very unwillingly) for 4 days due to severe pain in the abdomen and constant vomiting. I tossed, turned on my bed and vomited ‘n’ number of times the previous night, not letting once my roommates sleep in peace. I was rushed to hospital first thing next morning where I found myself being questioned and cross-examined by junior doctors, interns and the like. Finally it came to a point that I thought they were very selfish not to share notes with each other, because of which they came and asked me the same questions so many times. I (tried to) patiently answer the questions while ‘tossing’ and ‘turning’ on the bed. The next thing I knew I had to spend the next few days of my ‘precious life’ in the hospital. I was diagnosed of a stone in my urethra (doctor…did I spell that right??)

The usual stories from my friends who had been admitted in the hospital, was that they felt so good because of the unusual number of visitors who turned up for sympathizing. I found myself sympathizing with myself…not because I did not have visitors. I had visitors. But, because I was feeling sick, because there was nothing in my stomach, and the lady in white was searching my veins to put me on drips and thus I was just being poked all over. And also because of the hurry in the early morning, I had been deprived of my bath. On top of that I was not allowed to relieve myself, as I had to collect the urine and give it as a sample. And the chatter-batter of the crowd who had come to see the other patient in the room gave the ward a fish market-like look.

I marched obediently to the X-ray department the next day where I had to get a test done. I was in great spirits, as I would be discharged the following day after the tests. But to my disappointment, my bowels were not clean and the tests couldn’t be conducted. I cursed everyone who came in front of me…no one from the hospital staff to the doctors and the nurses was spared. After 4 days stay at the hospital, I had come to realize one thing. If you want to be cured in life, get away from the hospital.

I hopelessly sat staring at the ceiling, when the doctor walked in and announced that I’d be discharged in a while (long live the doctor!!). After completion of formalities, everyone saw a gleeful girl walk out in merry. I turned back to have one glimpse of the hospital.

Two days break and the hospital saw me in the funny white gown at the x-ray department. I looked like a patient who was caught running away from a mental asylum. Speaking in literary terms, I had to change into a gown and lie down on the x ray machine in a room that had 4 air conditioners. I was shivering with a hope not to die at the X ray table. The doctor present there did his best to distract my attention from what seemed like the Arctic region to me. I was finding an igloo to escape into. I finished the examination successfully and I survived it!! (Thanks to the cheerful doctor who kept me in high spirits). The results showed no traces of the stone, the nearest possibility being that it had drained off.
I said a big thanks to the doctors and the hospital and bid a cheerful farewell hoping I never have to return!!!

Not long after, a friend of mine was admitted to the hospital because of xyz reason and the lady in white of that ward gave a wide smile of acknowledgement as we walked into the ward to meet him (hey Elvin...u remember that :D)

The most unfortunate visit happened when we met with an accident. The auto rickshaw we were traveling in skid not because of the rain, but only because of the driver’s drunken state at 8 in the morning. We were immediately rushed to the hospital. My father ended up with a fractured wrist, mother with swollen feet and me with bleeding jaw. Daddy got a cast on his hand. Mummy was adamant on not having any tests taken (it was later found out that she had a hairline fracture on her feet). The doctors insisted that I have stitches on my jaw else it would leave a scar behind (doctors, the scar is still there long after the stitches have been removed). The doctor then recommended me to the dental department for a filling because the accident had broken a piece of my teeth (just a small part of it). It was done because if left that way, it would look ugly when I came on NDTV as a reporter a few years later. I was given a long list of eatables to avoid. Not withstanding the temptations of delicacies and of hunger, I broke the ‘long list’ of do’s and don’ts (actually dos are over-weighed by don’ts).

At the end, a vote of thanks to a few people.

To the lady in white who welcomed me to the hospital: My Fair Lady…I had been to hospital before that, but for others and not for myself. Your grand welcome kept me coming to the hospital for a long time for myself.

To the doctor whom I visited first: thanks doctor…I am taking all precautions against the chronic infection attack, not because I don’t want to come to you, but because I dislike taking the strong doses of antibiotic that you had prescribed to me.

To all those who told me about the difference between ‘surgery’ and ‘procedure’: thanks for enlightening me…

And to the doctor who said ‘Hope we meet again…but not in the hospital.’ (‘Hey doc… I am still waiting to meet you’).

To the doctor who recommended me to the dental department: thanks for being so thoughtful doctor, you shall surely see me on NDTV a few years later, I assure you, and then I’ll thank you for my beautiful smile.

And to doctors who think I have offended them (if at all), here is what I would say to them:

‘Its not intentional, you can interpret it the way you want to.’

Chuddi, Buddi and Banyan dost!

2008-05-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

I may not be writing on the issues which are great; but I, certainly, am writing on things which, to me, are of great importance.

There have been a very few friends, who I really treasure. In Manipal, I was lucky to befriend with some of them. One is very special amongst them; I don’t need any adjectives for him, to support my claim, as, you know, now-a-days adjectives are being abused. Seriously man!

I would simply and in a proud manner announce that he is not just my wonderful friend but "unfortunately" my professor also. A very good and strict one: no attendance for coming late, getting a good lecture next day for not attending his class, scoring less marks in his subjects. He most of the time brooding over ‘my sleeping’ -- people say I sleep too much; and I don’t think so. So, sir, everyone is lying to you. I am always awake!

I had really wonderful times with him. Starting with my German and French days. He only knows all these “nonsense”. We had many enjoyable bike rides. We had many trips to Peacock Point too, a place I will miss; I will miss it like many other things. I still miss the day when we were together at this place and taking pictures of the Moon at the night – you remember, Sir.

We went to Agumbe to watch its waterfall. We were sucked by the leeches, slimy fellas, they were too many. Govind burnt a few of them…a sick sight to look at.

We went to Sitanadi, Hanging Bridge and many more places in and around Manipal. I love each and every moment I and we were with him. It is fun to be with him…I enjoy the moment when most of the times we laugh together, and that too, so embarrassedly...and much to others annoyance only two of us can understand the reason; for example, sometimes some thing passes by, and within a second we display the same reactions which make us to come up with the same conclusions, and laughter follows. We read magazines sometimes together, and laughter follows in the library…people beside us wonder what is happening…and we feel that we are too much!

I will not miss you, Sir, Mr. Pratman! I will come to you to annoy you, perhaps for a bike ride nearby and some chit chat at a regular basis. Remember me, I am in Bangaloru only. Not going far from you so early.

My 5 years in Manipal

2008-05-03T00:12:00.000-07:00

I may not be writing on the issues which are great; but I, certainly, am writing on things which, to me, are of great importance.

Since I came to this place almost 5 years ago, I could see everything changing: the place, the people, my age, behaviors and habits...except, I think: me)!

Here, I am going to write on what I liked the most...

I am starting with the people first...

First among all, I would like to write about Varadesh Sir; and, I am not writing anything here but pasting the acknowledgment from someone’s thesis.

"To my guide, ‘My Dearest Uncle’, in fact, everyone’s dearest teacher, Shri Varadesh Hiregange’ for giving me much needed help all the time. For showing me the way and not stopping just there and eagerly leading me through those thorny trails with all motherly treatment. I don’t remember a single moment, Sir, when you were harsh or intimidating like a father, despite me being as lazy as a toad, and my attendance to you as uncertain as the Manipal-rains. Sir, this is not just to thank you, I will forever be grateful to you. You certainly matter more to me beyond the acknowledgement: I mean it, Sir."

I want to be a…

2008-04-26T07:31:00.000-07:00

I have a strong reason to believe that if I was anything in my previous life then I must had had been a plant. I am more interested in plants than animals, including us, humans. I think, had my parents left me at an early stage of my life, as for the practice in the West, I can’t imagine what and where I would have been.

It’s a great pain to me to attend the classes at college. It’s is no less than a bitter pill for me- say, five times a day, one for each class. I don’t want to go anywhere to do anything, I simply don’t; and not even to entertain myself. But I have to do so for various other reasons, obvious: you know what your parents want; and the society won’t accept you unless and until…you know all that.

There are benefits of going to college for me, like, I have an early bath; I go for breakfast and have lunch, and eventually I don’t starve myself to death. So I must tell you that college and assignment keep me alive. In other’s words: I am a waste…

But I know that what I feel I can’t do that, simply, because I am someone’s someone, you know. So I must give importance to responsibility than any other things in this world. Ya, I certainly mean, the responsibility of being someone’s student, someone’s son and someone’s brother…the list goes on… and I always try to stick to my responsibility part by forgetting my feelings. This the way…the days go on.

You know, when I read, sometimes I fell that it would have been nicer if somebody would be tuning the pages of the book- height of laziness. I know you must have judged me. It’s ok. Seriously, this is how exactly I feel, though, only sometimes. Nothing interests me in life. Nothing gives me sadness and nothing gives me happiness, and I don’t need any of them. Most of the time if you find me laughing, it has nothing to do with happiness.

I just want to remain in a state where nothing exists except nothingness. In my life there is no place for hate and no room for love. I don’t want to be in that state: being excited and being depressed alternately by agreeing to the law of the wheel of karma. I just don’t want the wheel to move.

I am not sad, so I don’t try to make myself happy by being in love with someone at the cost of ruining my present for an imaginative better and romantic future! For the simple reason, I am very well aware that future doesn’t exits. I have no power to go in the future or in the past, we live in present. Though it’s a different thing that hardly we are able to be in present, we are always somewhere else without being aware of ourselves.

I think before coming on this beautiful planet earth we should have been given a choice for choosing a place as we have for almost everything after coming here. And if I have a choice next time to be born, I would like to be born as a Banyan tree. You can’t imagine the thrills I get with a mere thought of it. A Banyan tree! Yes. A thousand times yes.

Comfort and respect the tree is given is simply amazing. The trees remain natural throughout their lives. They remain same till they die unlike us who have to act and invent to be civilized and for many more reasons, aplenty. If you are a Banyan tree then you don’t have to do anything except breathing. You have an inbuilt system to cook food and you need not care for anything. Someone cares for you. Someone, and no one knows who is that someone.

There you are with big long branches under which people come to rest. Under the intense heat of the Sun people especially in rural areas thank you hundred times before they spread out their lunch under your cool shadow which comes to them with no price at all. You thrill the whole area with your presence: peace and harmony. They love you for what you are. You don’t have to change according to their wishes. People like you, some of them pour water on your trunk early in the morning, some of them offer prayers to you, and some decorate you with vermilion to make you one of the most important witnesses of some rituals in their lives. I know you must be enjoying all the attention given to you.

When it’s evening, all the birds return to you. For some time they chirp, they sing with their pleasant voices. And you must be enjoying it. You like them, you love them and everyday you have so many birds in your lap to tell you so many stories before you go to sleep everyday. What a wonderful life you live, Banyan tree.

I don’t know if you have brains to think. We humans have. But we hardly use it consciously, maybe, even less than 1%. For most of the time as breathing happens, thinking also happens in the head mechanically. So, we are hardly any different from you. And most of the time we use our creative, imaginative and inventive brains more for destruction rather than construction. We make bombs. We create war like situations, and what not. So, I don’t think the brain is so useful for us to use it just for what you can do without it. More than 99 per cent of the time we do “brainless” work.

If there is someone who is responsible for all the things in this universe, he should listen to my prayers to grant me a wish to be a Banyan tree in my next life. If that is too big a demand then make me Tulsi us ke angan ki. Agar woh bhi nahi ho sake to mjhe orchid bana dena usi ke vase ka!

And I certainly don’t agree with Ramayana where it has been said: Bade bhag manus tan pava, sur durlabh sab granth hi gaba. In short: even the gods are longing to be born as humans. I certainly don’t.

Psycho-Sociological Concepts-II

2008-01-28T01:54:00.000-08:00

blam blam blish!!
Jhing bang!!!bang bang!!
well ahoy people...new year...new sem...and several other new things...would like to welcome you to yet another blog to my series of Psycho-Sociological Concepts!!! this blog is about certain phenomenon observed after students return from hols. So here it goes:

a. First day of college...no ones around...Why??? cos there are no classes...why??? cos students are are not there...why??? cos there are no classes...oh yes...its an unending circle...teachers say that they cant take classes cos students armt around...and the students know about this phenomenon...so they come pretty late...

b. the students who are around are seen loitering around and not going back home...why??? apparently they want to "compensate" for all the fun that they missed while they were at home!!hmmm...wonder whats the "fun" they are talking about...

c. Everyones wearing new clothes...why??? mummy n daddy "gifted" em clothes!!!huh!! its a famous secret that during hols children emotionally blackmail their parents to get them their favourite brands before they get back...why??? cos they cnat afford it while they are at manipal...spending 5000 from ur dads pocket is much easier than spending 500 from ur own pockets...

d. girls have suddenly beocme fairer...but 'stronger' too...they look "well built"!!! after eating all that food from home..wat else do u expect...a food review??!!!

e. everyones goin to a pub almost everyday "to spend some time to friends"...why??? to again compensate all the time that they lost while they were at home...huh??!!everyone would be drunk at the end of the day not knowing whom they are talking to even...

f. everyone who went for an internship would be talking about their experience...many say the truth...I WAS JOBLESS!!! buut some say...oh i worked on that thing...i worked on this...some of them will be telling the truth...the rest....pls dont ask!!!

g. everyone has to go to bombay or bangalore during the hols...widout goin to either of the places...u did not have a nice hol...

thats about it...if u observe any other phenomenon...pls do write abt it...so till then...
bye!!!

Ragging - first lesson

2007-12-25T04:49:00.000-08:00

Manipal taught me a lot about life.. how it goes.. right and wrong and a lot of other things.. The first lesson I learnt in Manipal was not sweet nor spicy but bitter!

Well it's something I did in my first year.. It's not exactly Tea time at Press Cart material........ Going back in time now...

I am in my first year of BAJC (Bachelors in Journalism and Communication).. all MIC freshies were staying in the basement of 9th block.. we used to call it the dungeon, because of the low roof and the leaky toilets (more about this later)...

So what does every freshie have to go through? Ragging of course.. yes we too had to.. in small dosages.. Dosages so small that we never got high on them... doses so small that it never gave us nightmares.. but yes we still had 'ragging.'

More than our seniors we were scared of the MIT guys.. as most seniors appeared to be a sensible lot.. so one such day I went to mess at 8 at night and was coming back to basement room with my roomy (Elvin).. as soon as we descended the steps to the basement we smelt trouble.. first of all there was this strange (read unknown) guy standing there and many of classmates stood in front of him, hands in the back head bowed down..

Oh boy.. what have I got myself into.. the thought hardly escaped my brain and he was already glaring at me.. My freshie instincts jumped into action... my head fell, my hands moved and crossed themselves behind me.. I stood there like everybody else...

What's your name.. He thundered on... I could literally feel his glare now.. Balanarayan I replied

Give me your intro - he continued
It looked like he didn't want to let go of me so easily...
So I got into the act rolling out my 'intro' which I had mugged up (in three different languages as per the standard) .. thanks to our immediate seniors who had prepared us for these worst case scenarios...

My name is N T Balanarayan. I am 17 years old and hail from Kerala. and blah blah blah for a minute (standard intro time)

He was impressed with my intro I guess, he moved on to the next person quite fast... In between I managed to sneak into my room (don't ask how)... But what I didn't know was that I would dash out of my room exactly five minutes later .. that too on hearing a scream from the corridor.....

So what happened?.. did ragging get out of control.. the answer sadly was YES... Roger one of my friends who stayed in the opposite room had fainted.. shocked and not knowing what to do, we started screaming at the guy who was ragging us.. He was smart enough to leave the place before the warden stepped in.. The ambulance was called and he was taken to KMC hospital...

There I came to know that ragging session got so intense that he could no longer take the heat and he fainted... All of us were outraged and decided to complain.. now comes the interesting part... out of the blue steps in Veerappan to our basement (thats what we used to call our hostel warden.. during the day, he used to drive MIT buses from hostels to college and at night he was 'supposed' to protect us from being ragged ... but he used to be drunk most nights and slept at 11 much much before he peak ragging time of 12-3!)

So what happened that night- he asks and all 18 of us replied to him in one breath making it a point to fill in each and every detail.. he listened with rapt attention like Merlin Brando in godfather...And when we finished, he sighed and then silence prevailed.. He got up from his seat and left the room saying he will back in a min.

And come he did.. this time with the same dude who ragged us. They had their arms on each others shoulders and all the excitement in the room was now turning into tension.. tension that flooded everyone’s mind and started flowing on into the room...

The person who ragged us decided to break the silence.. Hi I am Sameer Kanth I am from second year, ICAS.. my father's a lawyer based in Mangalore. So that means I am localite.. I have solid contacts here and if you guys take it to MAHE I am ready to fight you in court but remember one thing there is nothing you can do to me..

He finished these words and glanced around the room.. the silence that prevailed in the room then, was enough to creep out even the bravest of souls. There was something about him that made us believe that he spoke the truth, was it the sheer conviction or his dialogue delivery I don’t know. But I know one thing.... WE WERE SCARED… He was smiling now (or was a smirk) and he left the room...

Now the warden got up, it looked like he was going to speak (assure us of some action)...

So you heard the man.. I guess the matter ends there..... he said

For a second I thought this was a nightmare
Because he was was supposed to 'save' us, instead he has sold us off... On later enquiry we got information that matter was settled over a bottle of rum or a few pack of cigarettes...

So lesson number 1 from Manipal
You can’t win a battle just by speaking the truth… All you need to do is - have he right influence …..

Psycho-Sociological Concepts observed during semester exams- A study

2007-12-13T23:52:00.000-08:00

wallllllllaaaaaaah!!! to say the truth...am writing here just cos i want to be away from studies for some time...well...2nd BA,3rd BA and 2nd MS is done with their exams...the only people left are the "Freshies"...new to the college but certailnly not new to the examination system...exams start on the 17th...n for MS it goes on till the 26th...you can see some great things during exams...for e.g.

a. Suddenly people who have never entered the library come and take xerox...they say...

"arey take everything ya...1 copy of everything that you will take"..theres a truth that even they will agree to...they can never ever read through all the notes that they xerox...but they still take it...why???so that they dont have that "guilt feeling"!!!

b. New friendships can be seen blossomin all around...the nerds whom you just wont talk to just cos u considered them uncool (tho in MIC nerds are cool...a new gen...they believe in partying hard...n studying even harder!!!)...but these nerds will suddenly have friends...why???of course the "have nots" need the notes na...n people like them (am proud to be a "have not"!!!) take notes...study em...n pass...u can see for this very reason that even if there are ten people who write notes in a class of 50...only two's notes would be taken...why???in MIC beggars are choosers also..we people like to analyse each notes by various criterias...for e.g. is the handwriting good...did he/she attend all the classes..has he/she written too much...how much money will i end up spending iif i take a particular xerox...is he/she a topper...and many more...

c. suddenly students come to know of the portions...why???again related to the concept of notes...u recheck with your syllabus if all the units are there in your notes...so u get enlightened about the notes!!!

d. instead of drinking tea at press cart or smoking a ciggy at vinayak...people are seen in the ug n pg labs taking print outs of notes, presentations...

e. but there are people who dont do this as soon as the exams come near...they gotta meet teh director first for that...why??? wat else...attendance shortage na!!! people say..."crap man!! just one class dude...one class...wat will happen to that lecturer(writing this with utmost repect towards teachers @ MIC...just quoting over here!!!)" if he/she just gives me the attendance??"

f. and then a rare phenomenon is observed in MIC...people who come to college regularly on normal working days, stop coming to college!!!while the people who dont come to college at all during normal working days, start coming to college!!! and all this happens at the end of the sem...why??? the people are regular gotta study and the people who are not regular also need to study!!! same reason but entirely opposite behaviours!!! but we should try to understand the plight of the people who are not regular (like me!!!)..the "have's" have notes...n so they can study...but how can we study??!! we dont have notes itself...freaking Cow!!! n people call us laid back!!! ha ha...irony i say!!!

and the story repeats itself every sem..

do well brethren...cos we shall see victory by the mornin light!!! we shall emerge as the chosen ones...men and women who passed the test...who fought the good fight... For our beloved King "Marks" the First!!! :P

A very new brand of 'Radio-faculty' coming to MIC!

2007-12-03T01:03:00.000-08:00

I will write 'this article' later, however, I am putting our faculty's image, just to give your imagination a few wings...Let's see how much it matches with the write-up!

Our BAJC Class!

2007-11-29T11:37:00.000-08:00

Funniest incidents we came across. These incidents will appear funny for them who were in our class, but 'you' can also enjoy it!

Dear 'BAJC' do you remember Lock and Key presentation?, Kinnari ma'am gave to Randhir, our dear randy. The night before the assignment: Randhir was listening his favorite number from the movie 'Foot Path', and Shiva was playing: Gutter ka pani pee le, kabi na kbahi to jee le! Gutter ka pani pee le!

Amit goes to theirs room and asks, 'Randhir kya hua? Randhir says, Yaar kal presentation hai, pata nahi kya bolenge. Amit: tu tension mat le, topic bata. Topic: lock and key. Amit: tala and chabi, came the response after five minutes. And he tries to explain him: imagaine karo: tala ko mard samjh and chabi ko aurat. Make it rhyming: chabi ghushing in tala and all the mysteries of men and womens are solved. Think of it and write something like this. Randhir's response with a deep sigh: haan be connection to hai. Lekin likhenge kaise?

And the poem goes something like this: men are like keys and the women are like locks. When the keys go inside the locks, mysteries of lives are solved, and so on...it continued...we all know...

The very next day when he started presenting, eyebrows of Kinnari madam's grew bigger and bigger with our mouth revealing all the teeth with no holds bar. By the time the presentation was over, the hard copy of lock and key went to Sajan sir's cabin, because Kinnari ma'am could no longer stand the poem. The reason: she might have thought it vulgar. Which Amit now thinks, the poem was nothing but innocent.

After five minutes, in Sajan sir's cabin: can't tell you everything but Randy came with a chocolate given by sir in exchange for a promise to him that he would leave the cabin smiling. He comes smiling and tells Amit: tu bahut bada kutta hai re.

'The Copy Cock!'

I have fondness for coloring my hair, which all of you know it very well and must have seen. It doesn't come so easily, this time I had to pay a price for it. When I colored my hair, the very next day I met with an accident. But for our dear friend, Gyanendra, coloring of hair was nothing but a very interesting accident.

It all happened in second semester of our course, BAJC. First I went for a hair cut, but suddenly went for giving my hair a new color, and got it blond. It gave me a look which I wanted for a change, and I was happy with it.

My hair color excited Gyan to color his own hair. Arrey Amit, kahan se hair ko color karwaya? Hum bhi karwayenge. Arrey tu mat kara, tu waise hi stud dikhta hai. Bhonsdi, tu batata hai ki nahi, kahan se karaya? I said, from U-Like. Gyan says: Chal abhi. Amit: yaar kal chalte hain na. Gyan: nahi, abhi chal.

Inside U-Like
Gyan says with much deliberation with mixed enthusiasm, arrey kaun sa karwayen? Amit: light brown, ya to phir burgundy kara le. Then Gyan gives instruction to the barber: boss, light-brown kar do. The barber colored his hair, but Gyanendra couldn't find out the change in his hair color. So he asks the barber: boss kahan color kiye? The barber said, boss, 3 se 4 din lagega shine aane me. Shampoo kijiye, color aa jayega.

Gyan happily came walking very fast to hostel to show us his new look to impress us and the next day to impress the girls in college. But to his surprise, on reaching hostel, Bhaskar asks him: arrey Gyanendra bhai, colour nahi karwayen aap. Then, as Gyan was not satisfied with his new hair color, stares at me for 2 minutes and replies to Bhaskar: eee bhadwa rangwaya hai, kutch hua hi nahi. Apna bal to accha se ranga liya.

Gyan was disappointed and goes again to the shop for deeper color and drags with him me also. The barber was reluctant in coloring his hair again as he knew it won't look good, but, eventually after some arguments the barber had to color his hair again.

He comes happily again to hostel and shampoos his hair. The hair color was bright and shining like red crown of a cock!

He got a few comments, I wold say, interesting compliments from fellow hostelers:

Pansari on seeing him said, Gyanendra bhai ee ka, baal ke upar paan thuke hain kya?

Jeetendra told Gyanendra: wah 9th block me naya murga, Gyanendra bhai, kal se bang aap hi dijiyega, college ke liya hum log late nahi honge.

Bhaskar: arey kaun si murgi pasand aayi? jara bataiye.

Govind: 'randi ke aulad' Peacock ko kabi nahi dekha kya? Bihar me kewal murga milta hai. Aur koi color nahi mila. Ya mess me chicken ka kami ho gaya hai?

Gyanendra was sad and disappointed, left with just two choices, either to buy a cap or to go to the saloon again, which meant another 200 rupees. But, he being a wise man, opted for the cheapest: he bought an 'Aeroplane Kali Mehndi'. The next day morning, he locked his room and started coloring his hair himself and finally after some hours he came back with black hair. The old Gyanendra, again. But the problem was that that whenever he shampooed his hair the red color was visible like crown of the cock!

All the Time What I Do ?

2007-10-08T10:51:00.001-07:00

I have been waiting
For favorable times to come
Since my senses were born.
I have traveled a long way, still searching
For favorable times,
To do things I haven’t done.

The time, when favorable, if it came;
I will hardly change.
I will hardly do what I wanted to, But,
Remain the same, to
Continue with my search for a time called favorable
Again and again...

I know
In the end,
I will be tired and old
With enough time to regret
For the things I could have done.

I learnt a lesson:
Not to depend on nature;
But, always fight to go on and on…and on
If I can’t do, I must pretend that I am going on and on.
Not to wait for the right time -
I know it never comes -
I have to do what I want to
Now;
Otherwise, things will never be done,
If I keep waiting for favorable times to come…

Let the frog and other animals
Keep waiting for favorable time,
For they need to breed and breathe
A man, I am, far evolved than a frog to
Depend on favorable times to come.
Let me change myself, and the
Hard times around,
In favorable one; and always!

Thesis- the name scares me!

2007-09-09T12:17:00.001-07:00

Let the October 31st come which is the last day for submission of our thesis, and I don’t know, will I make it or not?, but I have already written a book on thesis in general, I hope someone else can do a thesis on my latest New York Times best-seller book.

Day before yesterday was the last day to submit thesis proposal; and as usual I crossed the deadline.

Today, to complete my thesis proposal, I decided not to attend first class in the morning, media management; and work for the proposal. I did that. What? Did not attend the class, but did I work for the thesis? Let it be a secret, because I do not want to disappoint my dearest Sir.

I did not attend the class, instead I went to Agumbe. Why and how I went to Agumbe with Prathamesh Sir and Govind, will explain you later.

We went to see the waterfall which is in the heart of the forest of Agumbe, where last time we were not allowed to go by the police, we managed this time.

The deadly creature of Agumbe, and, its infamy for: not Cobra, King Cobra or the Naxals, it is the tiny, slimy, smooth and disgusting-slippery leeches. I saw few on my body sucking my blood and ran for a safer place out from the trees. I uncovered myself from clothes -no peeping, please- just the upper half! And started removing the leeches, and to my shock and surprised few of them went piercing more than half into my muscles. I was in a state of shock and nervousness, intolerable irritation and pain, I know leeches’ sucks don’t cause pain, but there was, may be for other reason!

I started, obviously, not crying but to panic as I saw few of them inside my muscles. My all efforts of getting them out of my body were in vain. So immediately I consulted a doctor and asked, “sir, what to do now, is it a cause to be worried?” He said, “Certainly, yes. Sometimes leeches can be dangerous and patients can die.”

I began to feel that I am dying because blocked blood circulation by the leeches and asked Prathamesh sir, “Sir, tell me how close I am to death? He thought for a moment and said… “Imagine a situation you driving on a road where traffic is very less, then you are, he stretched and spread his arms making a straight horizontal line and said at this moment you are as far from death as the two palms here. I felt a bit happy.”

Suddenly the scene changes with the doctor explaining to me, “think of a heavy traffic”, and he brought both of his arms a bit closer by reducing the distance between both of his palms, and said, “Now you are this close to death.” He continued… think of heavy traffic, and he brought both of his palms together which was not touching each other, but was just separated from each other and said, “ now you are this much close to death.” I couldn’t understand the relationship between traffic, palms and death. Matha pak gaya!

Finally I asked, “Sir, tell me in my case how close I am to death? He said, “The last one applies to you.” At that particular time, I could feel life oozing out of me… as I could die any time…and I knew it was a long, long wait to die; and sank in my thoughts.

Out of nowhere, suddenly, an alarm rings… not the alarm of death, but an alarm to get up, and I got up from my bed without caring for my dying-body at the doctor’s clinic: place unheard and unknown. Looked at the watch and came to know that I had already missed my first class. What a relief, I was very happy as it was only a dream. Moreover, sat for doing my thesis proposal but instead wrote my stupid dream.

I hope that my own sir, I mean my guide doesn't come to know about my so-nice view on the thesis...

Moral : Don't try to be funny at KMC!

2007-09-08T13:23:00.002-07:00

Once at Press Cart we had a discussion about who was the funniest creature of MIC among us. We all gave our names: Govind, Amit, Avani, Rahul and Elveeno… but we all had consensus on the name of Govind…but there is one more creature in my class; he is so funny that he landed up in the psychiatry department of KMC. I won’t tell the name because I have to be entertained by him! And lets not forget that never hurt a joker!

No doubts his jokes are always hurting you, him, me or the particular person he making fun of… first time I think he was funny when he went to KMC, I enjoyed the session…HA HA HA

In his words, because of exams he could not sleep- mind you reality is something else- so he goes to the doctor for he was not able to sleep properly. The doctor and patient queries went like this:

Doc: So tell me what’s your problem?

Sir, I can’t sleep at night. I have depression and tensions, etc, etc.

Doc: Do you have a girlfriend?

Yes sir, I have one. Then he thinks for a while and anticipates that the complaint might travel home. He said, “no, sir; I don’t have girlfriend.”

Doc: But, you just said you have one.

Sir, I talk to one girl at a time so one girlfriend! And have talked to everyone in my class so at least so far 300 girlfriends…and laughs he he he he…

Doc: Do you take drugs?

Ma kasam, vidya kasam and touches his adams apple, kabhi nahi sir. Then he advises the doctor to do his narco-analysis test.

The doctor continues his writing. My friend points his finger to the doc’s writings and tells him…oh you are writing my history regarding the problems I have. Good good, sir. Sir, the things you are writing, is it a report or advise…and the pagal ka doctor (the psychiatrist) continues his writing and this fellow goes on an on just to make the doc laugh…Rest he did not tell me…what else the doc asked him…

He comes out of the clinic and tells me I made the doctor laugh by giving him funny answers. But the doctor was not laughing at all. He gave me weird look, and now he is sending me to a senior doctor.

He he he he …who told you to make psychiatrist laugh?…it was my turn to laugh at him…he he he… I said go and meet the bada pagal, the senior doctor. We were waiting for the doc’s to call my friends name, but the clinic was crowded…and in the mean time the doc who took his statements regarding his problem was passing by us and suddenly my friend asks, “Sir, how long I have to wait for? Kya aj possible hai? The junior pagal doctor turns his heads slowly towards him while going in the direction he was going to and replies with a smile as if he was talking to a mad fellow, “Kyon nahin, jaroor possible hai.”

Annoyed and irritated the way the doctor replied my friend tells me, “Dekh re ye behenchod aisa kyon bol raha hai. Ye to humko pura pagal hi samjh raha hai…” though most of the incidents I forgot, it’s a real one.

2007-09-08T12:03:00.001-07:00

Press Cart to Go-Karting!

2007-06-21T14:03:00.000-07:00

Elvin sitting on the small wall in front of MIC was waiting for his tea form Press Cart when I joined him. I asked him, “Elvin, Go-Karting chalen?” and immediately comes the reply, “nahi bhaiya, naheee. Kangal nahi hona hai.”

“Nahi Elvin chalo na, please chalo race karte hai” and my statement is interrupted to be completed by Randhir, thankfully in my favour: “abe Elvin chal na maza karte hai..” Hearing the discussion, running comes Rahul, and says in a very proud manner with happiness in his eyes: “Chhhaaalo Elvin…hum hain na… hum tumhare liye sponsor karenge…or jeet ke ayenge race.”

And I continued, “Elvin chalo” and he frantically nods his head after hearing this and says while getting up from the wall, kya bhaiya aap hain na TEMPT kar daiten hain…chaliye…race ho jaye!!!”

When we reached the racing venue we were a team which included famous personalities like Randhir, Dharam and our beloved teacher whom we have named “tea-time-press cart-faculty”, Mr. Pratman Sir. He he he … shshshhh……please don’t call him by this name. He might mind it. Will you, Sir?

The veteran racers (don’t know who named them so) Elvin and Rahul asked every one of us before we put on ours helmets whether we had done this before or not. First one to go was Dharam. Rahul asked “ Dharam bhai go-karting kiya hain pehle ya nahi?” Dharam removes his helmet, opens his mouth wide to show his stained teeth and words come out with spit spraying our ears and faces. “Arre tu tensionwa mat lo, eee ka kono baat nahi hai, karting warting kaun sa bada top (cannon) hai, hum to driving tractor se seekhein or truck chalaye hue hai Zhumreetalaya se Raksaul tak…driver bola bhaiya app to bahut hi achcha driving karte hai. And he shouted in happiness…to eee chokti kart ka cheez hai…abhi hum dikhate hai speed…ab dekhna eee ghumayenge, woo ghumayenge…brake lenge, clutch chodenge…or phhir dekho ban gaya na rcord! Dharam on top! Bachchu ham ko kam nahi samjho becaz hum bhi bahut smart haunn…

His kart started but even before we could blink our eyes he rammed into the tires…he said, “array bhai kart to bahut hil raha hai, ekdum tractor ka feel aa raha hai…tyre me bhi dam kam nahi hai…hum to soche short cut lete hain…again one more accident and the owner of the go carting said,” Aey cart chalane nahin denge… four laps were reduced to two for not causing any accident on the track any more which could prove dangerous for both cart and Dharam.

He removes his helmet to show us his embarrassed face and to save himself he says, “arey humko to pata hi nahi that ee to bachcha ka khel hai…eee sab humko pasand nahi hai…ghar par tractarwe achacha hai…and we all started laughing.

Finally the race was over with few bruises on our bodies. We felt thirsty, so we came to Press Cart again and asked for cold drinks. But to our surprise, press cart had never sold cold drinks. So we drank tea. No option for anything else!
So here we start our famous Press Cart discussions. We IMAGINED how our faculties will react after knowing that we went for go-carting.

Varadesh Sir: Raising his right hand half in the air and bringing it down with a sudden stop he would say picking the word one after another and giving it smooth flow - I mean no traffic of words or no over takings of words by words - would say, “Yes!! We will win... Yes…Journalistic Victory…Yes…”

Nagamallika Ma’am: Arey baba - spinning her right index finger in air making circles - seeeee if you race and you injure yourself then who would be responsible: only you, who will break his teeth: only you…

Buroshiva Sir: I am thinnnnki nnn ggg off, ifff ifff we can make a go-karting track in our campus… so that you don’t have to go so far!

Sunil Sir: Kya re…Phir Se race karega??!! Ghodagadi kabhi chalaya hai? Zamin se judo. Paisa barbad mat karo race wace me…banki to tum log jano…

Kushal Sir: In fact Reuters has asked me to drive their kart… but I asked them…then who will drive Ferrari??

Prathamesh Sir: I once drove a kart to Bangalore!!

Mclemore Sir: Ah! kartin…I like it!! I like it!!!

Prof. Iyengar: Ah bitte…Were there any German babes on the tracks?! Once I did on go carting with a german girl by just giving a red rose. It was, bitte, aha, very fantastic…we completed our laps…just took more time…you know I am like this only…

Maya Ma’am: You do whatever you want…but make sure that the tracks are ISO certified!!! It is for your safety. Real concern for quality and safety

M.V. Kamath Sir: His reaction is too long to be written over here… when in 1947 things were not like this…anyway…someone has to be spared!

K.P. Rao Sir: In fact, I invented the “Simultaneous Fuel Injection, Minimum Consumption Maximum Combustion, Safe Destruction of Wastes and Efficient Performance of the Engine” Technology!!

Harish Sir: He looked into the sky and after some silent moments looked into my eyes…and asked: yoouuuuuu geeeeeee (UG)…peeeeeeee geeeeeee (PG)….

Shubha ma’am: Don’t go to go carting during monsoon season, tracks are slippery like rough Arabian Sea. What does this mean ma’am? I was just giving suggestion, but… anyway, everything is subjective and relative!

Note: If anyone got hurt, Elvin Jacob, MSCOMM 1st Year should be forgiven for he has written it with good intetntion - to show good intention, Elvin said, " U.S scientists are developing a software which can tell readers how much of good intention was kept in mind while writing the story - and has utmost respect for his faculties.

...and the leopard died a painful death...

2007-06-17T05:11:00.000-07:00

In Hindi the heading would have been: Aur CheetaRam Chitt Ho Gaya

Few days back, we were in Gaurav’s room. It was not the first time we were there but the story we heard it was first of ‘this’ kind. Which kind? I mean: atthi kind!

Gaurav said to us: Aye Bhaiya, when I was at Sainik school…it was really fun; and Elvin you know that that only daring and courageous students can go there to study. But, I think, BESIDES all these you have to be good at study also, said Balu. The same sentence continued when Rahul said, “Chal cahl mujhe pata hai tu bahut tej hai.” “Dekh rahe hai Bhaiya, eeelog to Sainik eeskool ko kutch samajhta hi nahi hai,” complained Gaurav and continued: one day I was at night duty and gave everyone instructions about things like where they had to be to guard the compound-nahi samjhte hai raat ko bahut chor chandal aata hai- and they took there places at night to guard the school. That day it was my turn and I was the group leader. What happens at night I see two lanterns coming from opposite direction, I thought some villagers are going somewhere. Are, bhaiya, raat me unlogon ko bahut kam rahta hai, nahi samjhe” lekin sala bad me to OOO hai na najdik aate gaya…hum to hain na siti baja diye…sab apna apna positon pakad liya.. I shouted to know if everyone was okie, everyone was fine… I asked the lantern walas who were they, they didn’t reply. Hum to samajh gaye ki beta dal me kutch kala hi nahi pura dal hi kala hai…hum bachpan se hi tej admi…woo humko ka charawega…to samjha na Elvin. There was indeed something fishy about those lanterns.

What I did was I pointed my gun towards those lanterns…my God they were the eyes of Cheeta…coming very very slowly towards me. Hum bole ruk beta…aur thian se ek goli matha me mard diya…kya kahen bhaiya…chita jor se chillaya or hare hue pahalwan k tarah chit ho gaya…phir bhi humko dar lage…najdik gaye ek goli aur mar diye..kya pata chita hai na…agar zinda ho jai…Phir sabko siti mar k bula liye…sir bhi aa gaye aur bole arey tum to bahut bahdur nikla. To samjha na rahul hamse panga mat lena: Hum ne chita ko bhi jeeta hai. No doubt: we were impressed with the story part of the incident!

After two days there comes a series of panic calls from his room: arey balnu, elvin mere room me aao, lagta hai ek chuha mere cot k niche hai. When they go to his room, they found him standing on the bed…and it seemed he was about to hang with the help of the fan to protect himself! Are kya hua…ey to chuha (mane rat) hai cheetah nahi…tu chita maar k aaya hai na: Arre yaar waqt ke nazakat ko samjha karo, hamesa mazak mat karo, us samay mere hath me banduk tha…chalo please mere liye dosti k nate room se chuha Bhaga do…or nahi to ek donali ka banduk la ke do!

"Gaurav cheeta kis colour ka tha...sabhi puch rahe hain...likho yahan pe..." Gaurav, Press Cart misses you-man. Where the f**k are you man?